Not sure I want to be...

 

We did something different this last midterm.  I'm in midterm week AGAIN!!!  Doesn't it seem like to you too that I am ALWAYS in midterm week?  Or finals week?  C'mon.

 

Property III is a bit different.  Very government oriented.  We've been learning how Planning Commissions work.  We got a project that was denied and had to write an appeal and then argue before a mock planning commission that was made up of the actual planning commission members volunteering their time.  So we were drilled just like it was real.

 

The headache kicked in at about 6:30.  Class starts at 6:50.  Ibuprofin takes about 30 minutes.  But low and behold, Ibuprofin doesn't work on migraines.  So we're up.  Its about 7:15.  I don't like to sound scripted when I'm presenting so I outlined bullet points and went at it.  Then I got a shooting pain that went through my temple and I swear I almost dopped to my knees.  I didn't, but I did end up stalling mid-sentence.  My partner was amazing.  She literally finished the sentence and then the thought and then let me go on again.

 

I happened to know one of the commissioners, but only by name.  So afterwards I went up to introduce myself and apologize for the display of weakness.  She said, "I have to tell you, you're a natural in the courtroom.  Its yours.  And you and your partner were the best yet.  You work very well together."

 

A natural?  Ex-squee-ze me? 

 

It doesn't matter anymore if I want to be an attorney or not.  The only way I'd be able to drop this now would be to pack up my stuff on a Friday night, change my name and move to Cheboygan (sp?). 

 

I'm not sure I'm ready for this; clerking in well known law firm, having lunch with judges, representing the Law School.  The comment would have just been a compliment had Dean not been there to hear it.  Compliments are wonderful.  But with compliments come pressure.  Regardless of the current I'm caught in, that trap door of failure still is ajar.

 

I know I sound like a big baby.  But its my blog and I can whine if I want to.

 

 

 

This has been an interesting six weeks.  I start my fourth week at my job on Monday.  I got a job!!  I have to commute a little now but I commute in a direction without traffic, unless of course there is an accident (which has been a few times).  I am a law clerk now for a Civil Law firm in Modesto.  Its been quite interesting.  I don't work full time but OMG do I feel like I do.  As a law clerk I basically do "grunt" work for attorneys.  I've already written one court document, an opposition to a motion.  But mostly its summaries for either trials or depos. 

 

There are five attorneys.  All but one pretty much ignores me.  Speaking with the attorney that does not ignore me, its pretty much par for the course.  But the one attorney who I talk to almost everyday is really a person to watch.  She's amazing.  She did my job before she became a lawyer and is now an associate with the firm.

 

I met one of the partners before I started when I went to the Appellate Court in SF to watch her defend her ruling on a case.  The others are busy with their own things and every now and again I speak to their secretaries about what they need from me.

 

Everything is working out.  I feel much better about finally being somewhere and I seem to be pretty good at this.  The adjustment was hard.  Not as hard as I thought it would be though.  I made it through the first couple days without crying :).  But one the Thursday I lost, but not until I got home.  The first day I started, no one was around.  I got a fifteen minute orientation and used common sense to fill in the gaps until I got specific instruction.  That came on Friday.

 

The biggest adjustment is the quantity of detail that I now know about.  I read depos and medical files of injured people and summarize them for the attorneys uses.  Quite the change from complete isolation from the world I worked in for 11 1/2 years.

 

So much of an adjustment that I thought for about a week that I've picked the wrong career choice.  But then I calmed down and talked with a few people.  Their response was that my reaction is normal and I'll get used to it.  Not numb (liked I'd like to be) but I'll learn to deal with this stuff. 

 

I think the hardest thing is that I can't talk about it.  You have to take it in and not let let it out.  Attorneys are all about keeping secrets.

 

But....the most exciting thing from the last six weeks is....I was invited to a lunch as a representative of Humphrey's Law Scool to sit with attorneys and judges of our area at a lunch for Connie Callahan.  Connie Callahan is a local attorney who became a judge for our county and is now a judge on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. 

 

I have been thrown into the fire.  But that's okay.  I'm still adjusting and soon this will feel like the norm.  I love it!!!  It took a while but this all makes sense and everything seems to be the way its supposed to be.

 

 

 

 

 

On an act of faith and rumor, I went down to the County Law Library on my lunch hour.  I heard the Director was looking for a part-time assistant.  I put together my resume and went in to talk to her.  She interviewed me right there!!!!

 

She was very supportive.  She showed me around.  We talked for nearly an hour.  She said she has an actual scheduled interview next Tuesday (which is how this should work, not like what happened last week--see previous entry).  She said she call me either way.

 

OMG, I would make sooo many connections with attorneys and judges.  They're in there all the time.  Its only 20 hours a week, I'd totally excel.  And its income, not a lot but at least something.

 

I can't keep doing this to myself.  There are just so many great jobs out there.  This time!!  This time its my turn. 

 

Please think a postive thought.  Send her good vibes PLEASE!!!!

 

Apparently the keeper was schudeuled for Tuesday's interview.  I'm glad I missed the call.  I don't know if I could have handled knowing that I didn't get this interview either as early in the day as they called.

 

I just don't get it.  Not that I wish ill will upon them or anything, but they have no idea what they missed out on.  They really should have not hired the the interviewee.

 

Dammit.

 

This is not easy.

 

So some fun....

 

****************************************************************************

 

 

Thursday 9am, I have an interview at a law firm for a receptionist position.  Its perfect!!! 9am to 1pm five days a week!!!!  OMG OMG OMG!!!!  So excited!!!

 

I think I can I think I can I think I can.....

 

I know its only day two, and that he had two other interviews yesterday.  But he said that he HAD to make a decision yesterday.  I think its another dead-end.  This time because he gave me the impression I'm TOO qualified.  Never had that one before.  So I'm either under qualified or over qualified.

 

Its like a quagmire here in the midland.

I had a job interview yesterday afternoon.  Completely unrelated to anything but OMG I think I want the job.  The guy was really concerned about my education level and how that would translate to the type of job but we clicked really well.

 

I'd be making less than half what I make now and there'd be no legal work or anything but I'd spend all day talking to people and doing interior design for boats.  The place is at the Marina.  How fun would that be!!!  I think I want it.  I am hesitant of course but he seems really flexible and if it turns out to not be flexible then I could always leave.  We talked about that and how important it is that I pursue what's in my best interest as well as his.

 

It was a great interview.

 

I think I'm losing my mind but I would be so relaxed and rested when I left compared to here.  I am so tired all the time, not because of the work; I sit at a desk all day long.  Its the politics.  I hate this place.  I love my boss.  I hate my co-worker.  Its not about the money.  It's about my mental stability.

 

I haven't gotten any other calls yet.  If I don't then at least I have this one.  There is another job that came up at the courthouse.  The thing is that the pay is about the same and I know what the job there is.  I'd be miserable. 

 

We'll see....I'm excited.

I'm on the brink of a major life decision. 

 

I'm waiting for a call or a letter with a position I applied for at the courthouse.  I got an interlocutory letter asking me for more information, as though I might look like a pretty decent candidate for the position.  That gave me hope.  But a major part of me just expects this job to be like every other job I've ever applied for.  Rejection.

 

I made a mistake that I'm paying for dearly.  I've stayed in a job for 11 years.  Not just any job.  A draftsman for a Landscape Architect.  Contrary to popular belief, its not fun.  Its also not practical.  In the past 11 years I've lost the skills to even go to work for an Architect.  I've lost almost all typing skills.  But most detrimentally, I've lost interviewing, resume, and valuable job skills that will allow me to go to another career.

 

I'm a second year law student, 5th in my class of 28 people.  I have managed to scrape together random experiences that I was able to compile a curriculum vitae for the HR analyst at the courthouse on top of the resume I sent the week before.

 

I think I might quit my job even if I get the rejection letter.  I'm one month shy of 32 years old.  I'm single and virtually alone in life.  I need to kick myself in the ass if I expect to get anywhere in life or be happy.  I'm not happy.  Not at all.  I am thinking very rationally.  This is not going to happen without a plan.  I have a plan.  I have time to prepare.  I'm nervous but more excited than anything.

 

People do these things.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  But I am far too driven and intelligent to not make it work.  I'm in a good position.  I have a large liquid savings that I could live on for a year.  I have access to more more money.  I've figured out my budget already.  I have no debt but for the house and student loans.  The loans can be deferred.  I've been paying them now although I'm in school.  Deferment won't hurt.

 

I've started over twice already.  When I was 19 I worked a job that paid $5 an hour.  I worked in a restaraunt so I could eat.  I drove to the next city for classes at a junior college.  I had no money and rarely slept, but I did it for two years. 

 

Then one day I got married.  He ultimately took everything.  All of my money, clothes, cars, everything.  But I did get $12K in credit card debt.  $12K from a one year marriage.  He made out like a bandit.  I took a paycheck and got an apartment.  Slowly I recovered.  But I did it.  On my own.  Look at me now.  I own a house, credit card debt free, in grad school with a savings and investments.  In the long run, I am the bandit.

 

Taking risks is what life is about.  I'll never get anywhere if I don't.   

 

So this is what they mean about a crossroads.

 

"Spears supposedly became overheated while boogying down to a few Paris ditties on the dance floor, so she did what any star in need of an image burnishing would do: She slipped out of her confining satin pants to reveal the fishnet stockings lurking beneath. Perez says a helpful waitress soon gave her a skirt so she could continue to shake her groove thing."

I take back the role model thing.

 

 

I'm not sure why this struck me as a topic of bloggum, but it has.

 

I am not a fan of Brittany Spears but I do think she is freakin' adorable.  And now, after all of this news about her divorce, I enjoy her news presence even more.  Not in a bitter way at all.  Here's why:

 

When I was 22 I got married.  The guy was a waste of skin.  But I was the only one who seemed to not think so...well, except his mother from what I recall.  But then his mother and I never had such a discussion as to the opinion of her son. 

 

I divorced him when I was 24.  The end resulted because I found out 1) there was a girl named Shawna on the scene.  My name is not Shawna.  And 2) because he insisted on handling the money situation claiming, "Its the husband's job."  But I later discovered that was the only job my husband had.  Sure, he left everyday and came home everyday at the same time.  But I guess it was Shawna that was wearing him out.

 

It was actually quite simple to legally separate because we had no assets or children.  But someone wised him up on how not to get screwed.  See, naive little Squee thought that joint bank accounts was just 'what married couples did'.  So Squee put his name on all of her accounts.  Unbeknownst to Squee, someone on a bank account, anyone on a bank account, has the right to close the account at anytime.  So my husband went down to the bank, closed the accounts, and put all of the money in his name.  Squee was broke.  Legally he could do it.  Squee had no recourse.

 

There was other crap.  But nearly eight years later it is no longer significant.  They are simply life lessons that will never lose their importance or presence in future relationships.

 

Brittany had smarts that Squee did not.  Someone advised her well on that pre-nup.  While my measly $15K (saved for college) was nothing compared to her $50M, it was comparable in the relative sense. 

 

I think she has significantly re-established herself as a role model.  It is undeniable that young girls look up to her.  The fact that this happened to her and how she prevented a complete devastation will hopefully wise up several young girls who may make the same mistake.  I hope she sees that, or one of these gossip columnists see that, and instruct parents, who can't otherwise get through to their young adults, that gold diggers don't just go after the rich.  Scam artists pray on the trusting.  There is now an example kids can relate to and learn from their mistakes.

 

God bless her, and good luck to her.  She earned that $50M.  Sure, some may think it was easy money, but who the heck cares how she got it.  She earned it legally and it belongs to her and only her.

 

Toys for Tots changes mind, accepts Jesus dolls

Program initially declined offer of 4,000 foot-tall Bible-quoting toys

 

What?!  Who in the heck would give their child a 4,000 foot tall doll?!  Isn't there some sort of safety standard affixed to that?!

 

 

I know. 

 

I need a break!!!  I am legitimately angry that its not Thanksgiving week.  Sad really.  I'd rather be spending the day with extended family than working. 

 

I'm also designated jury duty this week.  I was genuinely disappointed that the recording told me to "call back Monday after 5pm."  Dammit.

 

Its a fifteen minute drive to get to work in the morning.  I found myself wishing I'd be rear-ended or something. 

 

The dentist and gynocologist actually sounds like a more appealing way to spend the day than being here AGAIN!!!

 

I had a very freaky experience this weekend.  I went to bed around 4 Saturday morning.  Yes, 4am.  I got into a heated Halo mission.  It took awhile to get through.  I was exhausted already, never recovered from finals week.  I finished the level and went to bed.  I didn't wake up until 8pm Saturday night.  I was so freaked out I started crying.  I had no idea what day it was, where I was, what time it was.  Then I got mad because I lost a day of my weekend.  Grrr.  So I only got a one-day weekend.  I was comatosed the other day.

 

I'm on the brink of a tantrum.  A real tantrum; whining, stomping, whaling, the whole bit.  But everyone will just tell me to shut up.  So I'm blogging my tantrum.  This is my tantrum.  I'm tantruming right now.  Tantrum tantrum tantrum.

 

Aaaauuuuurrrgghhhhh!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As sad as it is...

 

The service was beautiful.  They always are.  The freeway was tied up for hours because of the massive procession.  Thousands of officers were there.  So many in fact that the service was held at Raley's Field.  I watched from my computer at work.  Amazing.

 

I heard a rumor this morning.  I ran into an officer from SJCSD.  He said a guy got arrested last night.  Some crazy f*^k in this jail on a 422.  He has scrapes and bruises down the sides of his arms and leg.  They are checking for DNA match to the DNA found on the ground at the crime scene.  Sac County Sheriffs were buzzing around with questions for the guy.

 

I tried to dispell a belief.  Officer X believed the shooting was...in a fashion similiar to The Onion Field.  Based on reports, I don't believe this is true so I didn't lie to Officer X.  But my main goal was to purge the thought from his head.  I hope I'm not wrong.  I just don't want them walking around with that weight.  The weight is heavy enough without adding that scenario into the mix.

 

It's cloudy and rainy here today.  It was foggy this morning.  Feels strange outside.  The way the fog muffles the sound.  I live right on I-5 frontage road.  But its hardly noticeable this morning.

 

My last final was last night.  Its hard to tell how things went.  My brain is toast, so its the perfect time to go see my dad.  Its difficult to sit with that man when my brain is at full speed.  We are so different, he and I, in our way of thinking.  But we are both the same in the respect that we have opinions of current events.  The difference lies in our perspectives.  I always try to find the positive, the solution.  He sees it from a fatalistic POV.  I am not in any mood for discussion. 

 

Its going to be a difficult day.  I'm thinking about Matt a lot.  I think I'll leave my cell phone at home.

 

Investigation Continues Into Deputy's Slaying

Bodies In White Van Identified

  

 

 

Suspect sought in killing of deputy

By Ramon Coronado - Bee Staff Writer

Last Updated 1:42 pm PDT Friday, October 27, 2006

Sacramento County Sheriff's deputies guard the crime scene Friday morning following the shooting of a deputy during a traffic stop at Meiss and Dillard roads. Deputy Jeff Mitchell was killed in the incident. Sacramento Bee/Jose Luis Villegas

A massive manhunt is under way for a suspect who fatally shot a Sacramento County Sheriff's deputy early Friday morning.

 

 

 

  

Suspicious van not involved in deputy’s shooting (1:43 p.m.)

The Record
Published Friday, Oct 27, 2006

LODI - The Sacramento County Sheriff's Office has determined that a white Chevrolet van found abandoned near a Lodi gas station was not the one involved in the early morning shooting death of a Sacramento County Sheriff's Deputy.

A spokeswoman for the Sheriff's Office said the search continues for a man believed to have been driving a white Chevrolet van. Law enforcement agencies across the region have joined the search.

Deputy Jeffrey Mitchell, 38, pulled over a white Chevrolet van at 3:27 a.m. in southern Sacramento County, a press release said. When dispatchers did not hear from him, deputies responded to the scene and found Mitchell suffering from a gunshot wound to the head. He was taken to U.C. Davis Medical Center where he was pronounced dead, according to the release.

Lodi police this morning cordoned off a white Chevolet van parked at a 76 gas station at Kettleman Lane and Business Park Drive until Sacramento County investigators could respond, investigate and rule it out as the van involved in the killing.

The van involved may have been damaged when the driver fled the scene, according to the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office.

Anyone with information about the killing or the van is asked to call Sacramento County Sheriff's Office at (800) 471-1700.

 

The neatest thing happened today.  Study partner A came over around 10 and we studied until both of us were overcome by hunger.  We breaked (?) and had lunch at Marie Calendar's (sp?).  So over club sandwich and pasta pomodore we were discussing random things about life and the sort.  We started to discuss WWII and then she asked, "Why did WWI start?"  I responded with, "I think it was because of the assassination of Arch Duke Ferdinand, and then France was invaded."  As though the angels were listening to this sad exchange, lickity split, this guy turns around from the booth behind me and says, "Excuse me Ladies, I don't mean to eavesdrop but I heard 'WWI' and I am a Historian, I have a Masters in World History."  I said, "Whoa, Hi, please help us." 

 

So, what a day.  I spent the entire day studying Defeasible Estates and various property interests with multiple study partners and then during lunch I got a history lesson on the beginning of WWI with a segue into WWII.  Did you know that WWII actually began in 1938 with Japan's invasion of China?  And that Hitler's uprising was initiated because he and a friend got pissed off because their country was declared a loser of WWI without an invasion of land?

 

Yes you say?  Well I didn't and I was totally fascinated.

 

My God, what have I become? 

 

No wonder why I'm still single.

 

Problem:  Last week we found a homeless guy, crack pipes, used condoms and all, living in the outbuilding behind our office. 

Solution:  We cleaned it out, bore a whole through the wall from the back entrance and nailed the door shut from the inside.

 

Problem:  Yesterday we discovered crack pipes and clothing at the entrance to the underfloor access to the building.  Upon further investigation we discovered someone has been living under our office.  I saw that in a lifetime movie once.

Solution:  unknown

 

Problem:  Last night our front door got kicked in.  The obnoxious alarm sent them fleeing.  Must have been a kick to the door to break through the deadbolt, rip the frame and crack the wall.  Good times.

Solution:  unknown

 

Life's an adventure here in our fair city of Stockton.

 

I live on a street that has no exit.  Its a largely occupied street but somewhere down the way it dead-ends.  So two nights ago there was a clog in the road due to an exorbitant amount of vehicles and their drivers trying to get home.  I live in a condo.  There is an apartment complex next door.  A resident of the complex got a gun, held his roommate hostage and eventually shot himself.  SWAT and what appeared to be every officer in our fair city were on rooftops aimed at the house.  Helicopters everywhere.

 

I was good girl, I stayed inside.  The suspect eventually shot himself, the road opened back up, we all went to bed.

 

I suppose there is really no harm in becoming accustomed to the crime.  Its like a thorn in your toe.  Yes, its exceptionally annoying and inconvenient at times, but I guess you learn to live with it.

Stockton--Where Accosting is a Way of Life

Ellen Thompson
Record Staff Writer
Published Thursday, Oct 5, 2006

STOCKTON - A committee formed last year to help Stockton lower its chart-topping crime rate is finalizing its recommendations on the heels of some sobering news: Stockton was the most violent big city in California in 2005 for a second straight year.

Violent crime, a category that includes homicide, aggravated assault, robbery and rape, rose 11 percent in 2005, according to a Record analysis of recently released FBI statistics. The analysis looked at cities with more than 100,000 people.

"Wow," Blue Ribbon Crime Prevention Committee member and former City Councilman Duane Isetti said of the news. "We sure have our work cut out for us, haven't we?"

Isetti and about 40 other community members make up the committee Mayor Ed Chavez tasked with finding ways to lower the city's crime rate in response to the news last year that Stockton was the most violent California city in 2004.

The committee is prioritizing its recommendations this week and will compile them at a meeting at 3:30 p.m. Oct. 18 at the Cesar Chavez Central Library before presenting them to the City Council. The meeting is open to the public.

Officials and committee members agree it will take time for any changes to result in a fall-off in crime.

"I know that it's a huge issue that we're battling, and I think battling is a good word for it," Vice Mayor Gary Giovanetti said Wednesday. "I don't think it's something you can put on a calendar and say, 'OK, we've turned the corner.' I don't think it's quite that easy."

Stockton police officers investigate the scene of a triple shooting, including a homicide, on Jefferson and Grant streets on Dec. 26 in Stockton. FBI statistics show Stockton with about 15 violent-crime victims per 1,000 residents. Credit: CLIFFORD OTO/The Record

Police Chief Wayne Hose said a lot of factors contribute to Stockton's upward trend in violent crime. Those include poverty, gang activity, methamphetamine use and school dropout rates.

Before 2004, crime in Stockton fell had fallen for two years, Hose said.

That put Stockton slightly ahead of a national trend reported by the FBI. In 2005, violent crime rose more than 2 percent nationally after falling for several years, according to the FBI.

Violent crime in Manteca and Tracy rose in 2005 by 10.5 percent and 11 percent, respectively, an analysis showed. In Lodi, violent crime fell by about 10 percent, and it fell slightly in Ripon. The rates in those cities ranged from the lowest of about two victims of violent crime per 1,000 residents in Ripon to almost five victims per 1,000 residents in Manteca. That compares with about 15 violent-crime victims per 1,000 residents in Stockton.

In 2004, Stockton police responded to 40 homicides, compared with 41 in 2005; 108 rapes were reported to Stockton police in 2004, compared with 109 last year; police investigated 1,187 robberies in 2004, compared with 1,357 last year; and in 2004, police responded to 2,365 aggravated assaults, compared with 2,695 in 2005.

The city has responded to news of topping California cities for crime in 2004 by authorizing 40 new police positions, focusing on high-crime areas and creating a public education campaign.

For north Stockton resident Frances Garcia, 51, the number that counts when it comes to crime is five - the number of grandchildren she has living in the city.

"God gives us these children for us to be caregivers for them," Garcia said. "There's always concern about crime. All you have to do is walk out your door and you're there."

President Bush is in town.  The entire city is like at a dead stop right now.  There is no traffic.  I used "excessive" speed all the way to work.  All of our buses and police are being used to block the streets around the hotel that I would lay odds he is not even staying at.

 

Ahhh, to be President.  I could knock over a bank right now and probably get away with it because Mr. President has all eyes diverted "over there."  Hmmm.

 

Oh, Squee, the thoughts you have! 

 

I bet he stayed with Alex Spanos...our local celebrity and billionaire.  Mr. Spanos is like Biff in Back to the Future III.  One day we will all be pillaging in the streets while Mr. Spanos sits in his high tower with his cigar and cognac staring out the window as our degeneration entertains him.

 

And Mr. Bush will be positioned to his right.